It's called "Business First" Because You Don't Need Any Class

One can of Bloody Mary Mix, unopened, a cup of ice and three pieces of lime.

One coffee, skim milk and six sugars.

Sprite Zero with a splash of orange juice, no ice.

On Monday I was lead on a full flight back from Cancun, trying to fill the more creative drink orders while maintaining an imagine of the sunrise from my balcony. After all, ten short hours in Cancun is better than ten short hours in Tulsa.

As a girl who enjoys a Venti half-caff coffee with a dollop of soy milk foam on top, I'm pretty tolerant of special orders. And I appreciate when people just tell me what they want ins instead of ordering coffee and expecting me to instinctively know if they would like cream or sugar.

But back to me on the bar cart.

A tap on the shoulder made me turn around and hear the first class flight attenant explain that the "gentleman" in 1E would like to speak to her "supervisor" because he can't open the milk for his cereal.

Milk from Latin America is always the shelf-stable, ultra-pasteurized stuff packaged like the little juice boxes kids pack in their lunchbags. She had explained to him that you simply poke the little bendy straw through the little foil covered hole, but apparently this engineering challenge was much too complex and required immediate attention from a qualified crew member.

I dutifully responded and graciously demonstrated the proper technique.

Alas, 1E was still confounded by the situation and urgently gestured at his dry conflakes.

"But how do I get it on my cereal?"

No help from his wife, who incidently was munching an a moist spoonful and avoiding eye contact.

So, in a rather loud and throughly innocent voice I asked, "You want me to pour your milk on your cereal for you, sir?"

Ten pairs of "business-first" eyes pivoted up to see who exactly need breakfast assistance (Mrs. 1E still gazed out the window). With an audible pout he proceeded to messily quirt milk into his bowl and I returned to fetch my limes and count out sugars.

"BusinessFirst" is the official name for the cabin formerly known as first-class. Turns out that many companies will only pay for their employees to fly "business-class", not "first", so brilliant airline marketers simply renamed the product. Problem solved.

Well, that problem anyway. I guess they couldn't do anything about opening milk or the ridiculously loud (though I believe good intentioned) couple on the way down to to Cancun the day before. I, along with the entire BusinessFirst cabin heard every detail of their romance, their intentions never to marry and the lyrics to every song that popped into their tone-deaf heads during the 3 and half hour flight. It was almost cute, though completely inappropriate when he began massaging her feet. However, when he put her toes in his mouth that was my cue to head to the main cabin.

The really silly part is that if these characters didn't pay so much for their reclining seat, the rest of us couldn't afford the cheaper fares that allow us to get from point A to B. So I'm never upset. And remember, the most annoying passengers are probably just calcium deprived because they don't always have a flight attendant to open their milk.